I'm sitting here all in black.

Wondering if I should even crack a smile.

The scene isn't right for me. Maybe I should collect

my belonging and be on my way.

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking,

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking,

and again, as I repeat myself for the third time,

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking.

I should of seeked help when it was offered to me.

But I sat that aside thinking I could beat whatever is controlling my

my mind. Which is my mind? I don't know.

The image I'm face with day to day

isn't the image I want to look at. I'm exhausted

to the point of giving up completely. What's the point

of looking good, when your hiding under so much disappointment?

It's getting worse. My feeling towards people are getting worse.

My cold heart has found it's way to my mind, giving any little

sadness or aww is washed away. I won't ever be as cool

as everyone. I will always be plain Jane. I will always say the wrong things,

I will always try harder to make people laugh, I will always be awkward,

and I will always go through this monthly trip of depression, quilt,

secret holdings, and thoughts of how thin could I get if I just stop eating.

But, he's always there, and he always makes me smile.

If he wasn't there, I don't think I could make it.

Three years. And I still get excited to see him.

I realize typing all of that wasn't even nesscary.

From someone elses point of view, I seem a bit selfish.

I can't help what I feel, I can't help what I need to get out.

I'm starting to let certain people back in my life.

But she will always be there. And I'm glad she stuck with me.

Even though we have our little cute fights, we're women.

We're too damn emotional!

xxx