All apologizes, but no change.

I don't want to hear anymore sorrys.

It's okay. Live your life.

vintage boots, yellow sweater, white cigarette.

It's not surprising I'm sitting infront of my computer
thinking and wondering. Then the thoughts of sad words
appear and here I am. About to vent about the same thing
I do everytime I log into this blog. It has such a beautiful name.
And I miss use it everytime. I guess my blog and I need
some short of intervention to get back on track with a few things.
Like jealously, hopeless, lonelyness, and depressionness.
In regards to those four misspelled words, that is my current
statis of emotionals, thoughts, and a bit of concern.


The unresponding has taken toll. The complete distance,
and the now and every text message. Our lives are coming to place
where we are going our seperate ways. I know this aren't permint.
But I know in a mouth, I will lose her. Not to her boyfriend, not
because she's going be on the other side of town, but because she
will move on with her life. And me, I'm always going to be stuck here.
And I have to accept it.


I feel like I've lost one bestfriends to boys.
I feel like I've lost my health to smoking.
I feel like I've lost my mind at my job.
I feel like I've lost a lot and haven't really gain
the percentage of what I've lost. Maybe I will some day,
but I doubt that.


I'm sinning way to much.
I'm living in a shitty world. All because I want to sin.
My faith is slowly disappearing. And my drinking and smoking
have jumped to the top of my list instead my faith in Jesus.
He's the only one who can save me, no one else can.
So what am I doing? Good question.
Like all question I ask to myself, I usualy don't have an answer to.
Typical of me.


I can say one thing has help.
Vogue and Elle have given me ideas to go on with my day dreams.
By making my own cluthes. Since I have a adoring bad obession with
handbags, wallets, and cluthes. And a bit with scarfs.
But that's not really in the handbag collection of ideas I have.
Maybe that's what Jesus is telling me. Do what I love to do best.
I don't need college. Maybe a little. But in my heart I don't.
I guess I'm living up how I played the game, "Life". I never
went to college. And I guess that game has a bit of truth in it or something.


Let me try to end this on a good note.
I am always not going to be good enough to other people.
My pictures or anything creative will not be good enough to people.
But, it's good enough for me.
xxx