Beware

I'm making myself sick.

Thinking I have something when in reality, I don't.

All this talk about this & that.

How do you think people are going to handle it?

In a panic short of way.

I just hate living in fear. What are we fearing from?

Death? Cos that's all I have to say.

Yes I admit, I'm scared to die.

The breeze calm to a pace

where the birds caught up with their own speed.

On the way to work,

I was in disbelief that this could actually be happening to me.

All I heared were tires squealing

The close distance of a women slapping on her breaks

& me, in shock, waiting for the moment

for our cars to become one.

But luckly, she had breaks & came to a complete stop.

Inches away from my bummer.

The entire way to work, I smoked a cigarette

shaking uncontrolably.

Her eyes might mind

As my eyes spoke to her, "Are you alright"

The green light appeared in my vision

allowing my soul to be free to take off.

In the distance, I saw her throw on her blinker

& pulled over. She as I, was panic.

"What happen" -

xxx

Make the fire. Burn through

A lot has came & gone through my mind.

Leaving nothing but open mouths & blank stares.

I daydream more than I'm suppose to.

Someone could be pouring their soul out to me,

& the reaction they would get, "What! Say that again"

I can't.

xxx

Forgetting, none the less

Drawing in order to forget

Finding love is so impossible these days.

People have such high standards on the perfect "boyfriend"

I really want to meet someone who has the ideal boyfriend.

Girls, were in such denial of what is handed to us.

We over look the possible & try to go for the impossible.

Let's be real here. All the prince charming Romeo & Juliet shit,

news flash, it's not real.

Everything around us,

it has to deal with love. Could we focus on better things

like, not pushing away people. Making awkward moments

between two good friends. I'm hurting, I want her back.

But I don't know how to come out & say,

"You're not the same person I met century's ago"

I'm feeling out of control. Panic & dismembered.

Far, far, far away

The sun is mid way in the sky.

I want the sun to burn my skin, mark me with love.

There are days I wake & think,

I can choose how I want this day to turn out.

Do you?

xxx

I've mistaken myself as a mistake.

The sounds, bare.
Even as the trees move, silence.


I'm repeating words.
I'm using vocabulary from the first grade.
The images I put on paper are dull.
& I'm glad someone had the balls to tell me the truth.
I've come to my low.
It's weird, to fit in, you have to disapprove of someone else
in order to be "welcomed" into the "it" crowd.
What the hell was I thinking? Who have I become, as a person?
I' am ashamed of myself & the things I've said.
It's fun being broke. Collecting money from my parents to
feed my addiction. I rather smoke than eat.
Even though I'm coughing up half my lung.
I'm happy in the sense of emotion & other people's laughs.
I pretend all the time. But who really notices those things?
It's not fair that every month I go through this alone.
& I protect myself.
& I don't want others to know I'm still struggling.


Happiness is always key.
You choose. You choose your feelings.
I'm trying to hold back...
It's that strong chocking feeling that sticks in the
back of your thoart?
xxx

Silence...

Secret's appeal alive

Caught between time & love.

The only reason to keep going was the feel of his touch.

Exchanging numbers, undressing infront of stranger's.

None of this makes sense.

But what does? Life, it's just a big questioned mark.

I forgot how much I miss reading.

My brain is crying for some short of learning?

"Oh please, those excuses aren't working"

He was just waiting.

xxx

Error on page

Let's speak of the last night we fall inlove.
The grass was green.
The lights, so dim, but bright enough to see your face.
It was then I knew I was inlove.


The awkwardness of my voice.
The motions of believing it wasn't real.
It heals over the wounds I opened.
Let's take the time to remember who was first.


I try so hard not to get into the feeling
of being alone. & Yet, I fail everytime.
Boneless bodies, laying beneath the earth.
Rottening away their sins. Disappearing over time.
Their fans, neal & wonder, why them?


The flashing lights, the horror it could be him.
Driving pass, hoping that everyone was alright.
It took off with no sirens echoing through the air.
But I could see two worried faces in the window.
Their lives changed. It only took a minute.
& For what? To realize life is too short?


Kill the pain
Only with one drink & one thought,
xxx

I'm leaving on a jet plane

John Denver, the man of calm mid 70's war music.
It haunts my brain in a good way. The softness in his voice
some how calms my nervous & brings me a little happiness.
I'm face to face with this blank wall.
Noticing every little mark & detail. That's how I feel.
People can stare & see my flaws, my weakness, my fears.


None of this makes sense.
I can hear laughther, but I'm not included.
I hear jokes & tears of joy, but I'm not included.
When or how will I be part of that fun, that energy of life.
I'm acting as if I don't have friends. I digging more towards my work life.


I held my tears back so tight, I forced a smile upon my face.
Hoping & praying someone I knew close to me would see
the pain & uncertain I was feeling. But they were not there.
So, I had to be strong alone. & It felt nice..
I can't hide it.
Their coming & I have to let go..






Choking up.
It's closing up. The race of emotions take over me.
xxx

Carry me away with the sound of your voice

My fingers, slowly running through my hair.

My brain, full, not empty of thoughts spreading through the air.

Causing late night typing sessions.

The room was empty, even though it was full.

Words being spoken through the mouths of uncertains.

I look around, I hear a voice. It's speaking to me.

Burning images flash back in my vision.

I should tell them what happen, shouldn't I?

Oh wait I forgot, my entire world, life, it's a secret.

& I like it that way. & I Don't even know if I know my own self.

That's a shame. But a small price to pay..

I just don't want them walking all over me, covering me with no trust!

As I sat there & listen to them play.

As his voice took over my body & made my soul dance,

I wanted to be where their happiness was. In their music!

xxx