Realizing, dreams.

She made it, and nothing can stop her now.

The thought of seeing the process and seeing her

work extremely hard for her dream, or something she enjoy's doing

made me only wanted to get to that part in my life.

And doing so, I'm starting with getting off my ass, and doing it!

I am humble and not a leader at this point of my life.

Hopefully I can turn that around and have that I am a leader,

not a follower.

As the sun sets higher in the sky.

The beam of light and heat acompanies the non-living objects

bringing some short of memory to my attention.

Leading in the emotional revisit I receive.

I couldn't Thank her enough for the happyiness and

support and the honestly. I'm glad, and I'm happy.

It's time for me to move on with my life.

Emotionally and phyically. And it has to start TODAY!

Oh man, the rumbles of low planes begin to worry me a little.

The sight I always image, smoke, death, and loved ones.

I think I want to move, somewhere other than Italy.

I guess I'm starting to be more realistic

Positive, yet proctivite.

xxx

Rejection, bottled up feelings.

It's been awhile. And I'm back because I don't

know how to handle all the stress and weird vibes

of being rejected and that person not evening realizing what's happening.

I handwritten what I wanted this blog to indicate and the feelings,

and the things I've been through in a entire month.

But I feel, that's too planned and what I'm currently not feeling.

I just want to jump off a building and soar straight to my death.

I feel my skin getting dirty,

and words of uncertain spilling from my mouth. Inegaging

to those ears. I'm believing I'm stuck in this hell spot for a reason.

To understand life better, or to test myself to see if I can

STAND up for myself, and actually take action of what's wrong in my life.

I guess I rule out those obvious options that I've clearly sat

up for me. I don't really understand anymore

The photo above is the only photo I've been proud of.

Am I making the right decision to go after what I want.

Or am I just too slow to understand, only talented, good minded

people can be photographer's? I can't ever image, or even think

that I can be anything I want to be. Maybe because everyone

in my life took the easy way and just settle with having 5 kids

with different baby daddy's and living off the goverment.

Nothing positive every comes out this blog.

I try to out do myself in ways I can't image I should do.

Or making sense in the matter of life.

The rejections and the guilt I'm feeling now aren't the best

way to go about my day. But if I keep a smile on my face, and pretend

like I've been doing for soo long. I can face everything

and just throw it in the back of my mind until I decide when to

deal with it. Maybe sooner than I think. But crying to myself

in the dark and screaming with nothing coming out and blaming

myself for my reason's of discomfort and sadness, it's the best way.

I could complain about what I feel towards her.

But I think I've done enough.

xxx