It's been awhile. And I'm back because I don'tknow how to handle all the stress and weird vibes
of being rejected and that person not evening realizing what's happening.
I handwritten what I wanted this blog to indicate and the feelings,
and the things I've been through in a entire month.
But I feel, that's too planned and what I'm currently not feeling.
I just want to jump off a building and soar straight to my death.
I feel my skin getting dirty,
and words of uncertain spilling from my mouth. Inegaging
to those ears. I'm believing I'm stuck in this hell spot for a reason.
To understand life better, or to test myself to see if I can
STAND up for myself, and actually take action of what's wrong in my life.
I guess I rule out those obvious options that I've clearly sat
up for me. I don't really understand anymore
The photo above is the only photo I've been proud of.
Am I making the right decision to go after what I want.
Or am I just too slow to understand, only talented, good minded
people can be photographer's? I can't ever image, or even think
that I can be anything I want to be. Maybe because everyone
in my life took the easy way and just settle with having 5 kids
with different baby daddy's and living off the goverment.
Nothing positive every comes out this blog.
I try to out do myself in ways I can't image I should do.
Or making sense in the matter of life.
The rejections and the guilt I'm feeling now aren't the best
way to go about my day. But if I keep a smile on my face, and pretend
like I've been doing for soo long. I can face everything
and just throw it in the back of my mind until I decide when to
deal with it. Maybe sooner than I think. But crying to myself
in the dark and screaming with nothing coming out and blaming
myself for my reason's of discomfort and sadness, it's the best way.
I could complain about what I feel towards her.
But I think I've done enough.
xxx
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