60 cents.

After two years of awkward hellos and goodbyes.And small fights over tv, food, and what's mine.

Has come to a complete dead end.From packed and alive. To empty and silent.

Only took less than 10hrs before standing in a room with nothing

but carpet, bare walls, and un important belongings left behind.

It's offical.

It's time to move on.

Lonely seat

Sometimes it feels nice just to disappear

for awhile. Without a care in the world.

But realitly always sneaks back, and I'm always

face with thoughts and worries.

I trusted and believed you.

Only to notice nothing has changed.

One more day til I figure if I was good enough

for them. Hopefully I was. I want this more

than anything. I want it. I need it.

I'm prepared.And lost.

It's Friday the 13th.

And already I'm feeling my luck slip alway.

3pm, it's haunting me.

I just want this so I can finally let go

what's been holding me back for two years.

years ago, it was something.

It's time to move on.

I'm ashamed of myself for giving up.

I'm ashamed that it has been brought up.

I don't know what to think of myself right now.

The only word that comes to mind, failure.

In all honestly, I'm wasting away slowly.

All apologizes, but no change.

I don't want to hear anymore sorrys.

It's okay. Live your life.

vintage boots, yellow sweater, white cigarette.

It's not surprising I'm sitting infront of my computer
thinking and wondering. Then the thoughts of sad words
appear and here I am. About to vent about the same thing
I do everytime I log into this blog. It has such a beautiful name.
And I miss use it everytime. I guess my blog and I need
some short of intervention to get back on track with a few things.
Like jealously, hopeless, lonelyness, and depressionness.
In regards to those four misspelled words, that is my current
statis of emotionals, thoughts, and a bit of concern.


The unresponding has taken toll. The complete distance,
and the now and every text message. Our lives are coming to place
where we are going our seperate ways. I know this aren't permint.
But I know in a mouth, I will lose her. Not to her boyfriend, not
because she's going be on the other side of town, but because she
will move on with her life. And me, I'm always going to be stuck here.
And I have to accept it.


I feel like I've lost one bestfriends to boys.
I feel like I've lost my health to smoking.
I feel like I've lost my mind at my job.
I feel like I've lost a lot and haven't really gain
the percentage of what I've lost. Maybe I will some day,
but I doubt that.


I'm sinning way to much.
I'm living in a shitty world. All because I want to sin.
My faith is slowly disappearing. And my drinking and smoking
have jumped to the top of my list instead my faith in Jesus.
He's the only one who can save me, no one else can.
So what am I doing? Good question.
Like all question I ask to myself, I usualy don't have an answer to.
Typical of me.


I can say one thing has help.
Vogue and Elle have given me ideas to go on with my day dreams.
By making my own cluthes. Since I have a adoring bad obession with
handbags, wallets, and cluthes. And a bit with scarfs.
But that's not really in the handbag collection of ideas I have.
Maybe that's what Jesus is telling me. Do what I love to do best.
I don't need college. Maybe a little. But in my heart I don't.
I guess I'm living up how I played the game, "Life". I never
went to college. And I guess that game has a bit of truth in it or something.


Let me try to end this on a good note.
I am always not going to be good enough to other people.
My pictures or anything creative will not be good enough to people.
But, it's good enough for me.
xxx

Hiding.

Obviously.

Disappointed.

Goals equals failure.

School equals on the back burner.

Happiness equals only a week of enjoyment.

Depression equals always felt this way since 7th grade.

Thinking equals worse case of everything.

My dream is currently on hold.

My vision of what I want, still being searched.

And the fact I'm keeping a lot of secrets from everyone,

I'm happy about. And if I tell anyone.

I'm sure they'll hate and try to help.

I'm planning something. And if things get better,

I'll disowned it.

Work has accepted me back in their club.

All my friends aren't single anymore.

And I manage not to complain that much.

xxx

I'm sitting here all in black.

Wondering if I should even crack a smile.

The scene isn't right for me. Maybe I should collect

my belonging and be on my way.

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking,

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking,

and again, as I repeat myself for the third time,

No one will ever understand what I'm thinking.

I should of seeked help when it was offered to me.

But I sat that aside thinking I could beat whatever is controlling my

my mind. Which is my mind? I don't know.

The image I'm face with day to day

isn't the image I want to look at. I'm exhausted

to the point of giving up completely. What's the point

of looking good, when your hiding under so much disappointment?

It's getting worse. My feeling towards people are getting worse.

My cold heart has found it's way to my mind, giving any little

sadness or aww is washed away. I won't ever be as cool

as everyone. I will always be plain Jane. I will always say the wrong things,

I will always try harder to make people laugh, I will always be awkward,

and I will always go through this monthly trip of depression, quilt,

secret holdings, and thoughts of how thin could I get if I just stop eating.

But, he's always there, and he always makes me smile.

If he wasn't there, I don't think I could make it.

Three years. And I still get excited to see him.

I realize typing all of that wasn't even nesscary.

From someone elses point of view, I seem a bit selfish.

I can't help what I feel, I can't help what I need to get out.

I'm starting to let certain people back in my life.

But she will always be there. And I'm glad she stuck with me.

Even though we have our little cute fights, we're women.

We're too damn emotional!

xxx

Realizing, dreams.

She made it, and nothing can stop her now.

The thought of seeing the process and seeing her

work extremely hard for her dream, or something she enjoy's doing

made me only wanted to get to that part in my life.

And doing so, I'm starting with getting off my ass, and doing it!

I am humble and not a leader at this point of my life.

Hopefully I can turn that around and have that I am a leader,

not a follower.

As the sun sets higher in the sky.

The beam of light and heat acompanies the non-living objects

bringing some short of memory to my attention.

Leading in the emotional revisit I receive.

I couldn't Thank her enough for the happyiness and

support and the honestly. I'm glad, and I'm happy.

It's time for me to move on with my life.

Emotionally and phyically. And it has to start TODAY!

Oh man, the rumbles of low planes begin to worry me a little.

The sight I always image, smoke, death, and loved ones.

I think I want to move, somewhere other than Italy.

I guess I'm starting to be more realistic

Positive, yet proctivite.

xxx

Rejection, bottled up feelings.

It's been awhile. And I'm back because I don't

know how to handle all the stress and weird vibes

of being rejected and that person not evening realizing what's happening.

I handwritten what I wanted this blog to indicate and the feelings,

and the things I've been through in a entire month.

But I feel, that's too planned and what I'm currently not feeling.

I just want to jump off a building and soar straight to my death.

I feel my skin getting dirty,

and words of uncertain spilling from my mouth. Inegaging

to those ears. I'm believing I'm stuck in this hell spot for a reason.

To understand life better, or to test myself to see if I can

STAND up for myself, and actually take action of what's wrong in my life.

I guess I rule out those obvious options that I've clearly sat

up for me. I don't really understand anymore

The photo above is the only photo I've been proud of.

Am I making the right decision to go after what I want.

Or am I just too slow to understand, only talented, good minded

people can be photographer's? I can't ever image, or even think

that I can be anything I want to be. Maybe because everyone

in my life took the easy way and just settle with having 5 kids

with different baby daddy's and living off the goverment.

Nothing positive every comes out this blog.

I try to out do myself in ways I can't image I should do.

Or making sense in the matter of life.

The rejections and the guilt I'm feeling now aren't the best

way to go about my day. But if I keep a smile on my face, and pretend

like I've been doing for soo long. I can face everything

and just throw it in the back of my mind until I decide when to

deal with it. Maybe sooner than I think. But crying to myself

in the dark and screaming with nothing coming out and blaming

myself for my reason's of discomfort and sadness, it's the best way.

I could complain about what I feel towards her.

But I think I've done enough.

xxx

Enough is a enough

There is no need for a photo of unsolved unreason depression?

I adore how this blog doesn't acompany a romantic kiss,

an out of control party. It's just complaining of how my

dull life isn't ending up in some book, or a True Hollywood Story

on the E! Channel. It's complaing of what I should be doing in real life.

I should be jumping out of cars, eating bizzare food with Andrew,

or even checking out the same looking "sexy" beaches with Bridget.

I'm living in a fantasy. I'm taking personal days to take

trips in my mind. Then out of the heart and anger of the world

needing me and my hopeless actions and tuggs me back to reality

where I'm always, always disappointed.

I couldn't, I can't, maybe?

Those three simple (strong) words that adds and equals

no success in the following ways.

Also leading to the disappointment of where I'm "suppose"

to be in my life? WHAT!

Sounds exciting? Or down right depressing? Either way.

I manage to get by and obviously find something else

to get crazy about and of course over dream.

Same words, same feelings. Nothings changed.

Well expect my love life. ( Which is amazing and unreal at times)

But in all honesty, loves doesn't solve depression, weakness,

and overwhelming stress and worries. It just solves the simple fact,

you aren't alone, right?

"Love doesn't solve your troubles. Just solves your lonelyness"

Pt 2

It's the beauty of those who weren't there.

Of course your face was pressed against his face.

Those words spilled through those hungry lips.

Causing my ears to ring loudly between planes

roaring in the sky.

The spring step in his walk.

The caused reaction in the peace when his lips part.

Therefore I am weak and athirst.

Animalistic? I'm growing into some short of

sex monster. I always and will want him.

Deep, heavy breathing, attacking, gripping,

huggin', struggling, kissing, licking, sucking.

In all, it's making "love" or what?

Baby, V-necks are my concepts.

It's believable I could be re-acting someone elses

thoughts of having some short of a "fashion style"

Excitment over the reasons of being what I want to

be in life. Changing things one at a time.

"Silly boy, the only way to her heart ..?"

xxx

Pt 1

It could be a good start for a cover story.
Or maybe the fact that I am discovering a lot about
me and who I've become as a person.
Life has been a bit bonkers.

Selling my car, prom, dancing, always with her, walking,
waking up early, speechless, talkative, old stories, remembering,
waiting, loading, wishing, UPS OBBESSION, clothing lines, asking,
answering, facebook, cold, starbucks, warm, cold, kissies,
cuddling, washing, brushing, Rufus, small, v-necks,
fashion, fashion magazines, the lookbook, ashlee elaine,
vintageowl, sleepless nights, no money, endless amounts of smoking,
working, hating, crying, depression, worrying, and concerned.




I keep bailing on the most important goals
I set for myself. Or am I just setting some short of existence
to show others that I'm enhanced than I'm really am.
I've misplaced seven or maybe three lighter's.
One which a former employee that no longer even works with us.
I intimate that I am leading the pack.
When it's the other way around.



"Curse those who believe in what's not real. In order to have something
in set goal to look forward to"
xx

Guitly surprises.

"Most of us want to fall in love,

and we will. When we do fall in love, those who

care about us will be happy. Most of us do not want to be

a slave to behavior that hurts us."

"We are addicted to the feelings of new love,

of being swept away, of being adored, of being obessed."-Desire.

I'm reading aloud again. & Actually understanding

what I am reading. It's a good feeling to excurise my brain.

To adore the words that feed my brain with knowledge.
I have a lot of anger still creeping around inside.

I want to let it go. But the world keeps giving it back.

Like some kind of haunted gift you can't get rid of.

Pain of cramps. & The emotions of being happy then sad

always linger near by. I've become obessed & un focused

on what needs to be done. In my own little world.

Everything is furry & cute & nothing ever goes wrong.

Upset at the fact I keep getting ditch

& Trying to work around the awkwardness of

what's becoming not a "friendship" It still feels

I'm not near as important to you as you are to me.

Always, always, something comes up better than what I

had planned. I feel alone some days, I just want to...?

(I can't even find the word to discribe the hurt)

Working at my job is out of the questioned.

Saturday I made a bief stop to a dressed fitted

by one of my empyolee's. & The looks of,

"Why are you here." No one really spoke to me.

Or even to bother to ask how I've been. It's always,

"You look cute today, Ashlee."

Well one person did get under my skin. Made me just want to crawl

& just hide. & The words spoken, "Hey! Why are you here."

I didn't answer back. The shock of lack of care or you just kiss

ass. So why does it even matter to you that I'm here.

I'm pissed the more I think about how I've been treated.

I get more pissed at the fact 5 hours isn't enough for anything.

I get even more pissed that the fact people complain that they

have way too many hours.

I get even more, outstandingly pissed when I see

people stare me down & I know what their thinking.

Only one manager waved to me & said hi.

I'm broke!

& I'm tired of being depressed behind close doors.

xxx

This has to stop!

Well, I finally realize where I stand with everybody in their life.

That's nowhere, no cares, no worries.

I just want to ecaspe somewhere. I rather die right now.

I feel no love towards me at all.

& Yes, I'm sounding a bit selfish & weak.

But my day is turning into shit.

& For the record. People rather for other

people to tag along with them. Yeah...

I'm nothing, I'm nothing.

Yesturday, I felt on top of the world.

Today, I feel I've been put to rest. 6 feet under.

I FUCKING HATE IT THERE!!!!

Please God, give me something. Strength??!?

I'am so angry!

xxx

It's personal

At first I was on top of the world.

Now I'm reduce to some made, cleaning & taking

order's. I can't believe this is actually happening to me.

I don't understand what I've done wrong.

It's not like I'm lazy, unpucdtive.

I'm being replace for some chipper, always happy person.

I think I would be that chippy, & smily, & "OH MY GOODNESS"

kind of girl. But this job has broken down my spirits soo much.

I don't really feel happiness at my job.

I don't feel wanted, needed, accepted at my job.

If there was a coffee list. I would be the person running &

getting the coffee for the more important people.

I can see it, their sitting in huge leather chairs by Chanel

Wrapped in expensive dimanods. & Their one of a kind.

& I would be the little slave girl with nappy pig tales,

& stains & holey shoes. Short, & dirty. Serving them their

8 bucks Starbucks coffee with fancy holder's.

I bitch & complain about the misery I suffer at this job.

I wonder if I could seriously live off of 6hours.

Not counting that I have no money to spear for extra's.

Such as the important of gas, food, & even a smile.

Affording thiftstore clothes has overpriced me.

Poor, what does that mean?

Speak, I...

There is way too many "I's" in this entry.

I'm fading quicky to the dark side.

I'm no longer a worker there. I'm their made.

& I'm just upset that no one, no one even took a chance

to stand up for me. Putting those hours next to my name

showed me for once & all.

I was forgotten.. on purpose!

xxx

In all...

Just go, & never come back.

I can see that it makes you happy.

I'm embarressed at the simple fact I thought you cared.

Giving hope that you were interested in my hopes & dreams,

I gave you my information thinking you were taking it seriously.

But when you drop the piece of paper in the trash

& made eye contact with me & notice what you had done.

You secretly pick it up & pretended it was a mistake.

Knowing when I gave it to you, your hands said other wise.

This week I can already tell is going to be interesting.

I'm already losing interested in certain people.

& A lot of hopes for other's.

Today, when I was sitting in my car waiting for the

heat to overcome my shakey cold body.

For 5 minutes, I watch the sun rise. It was the most

beautiful thing I've ever seen. I've been taking too

much for granted. I don't want to sleep anymore.

Life, it offer's too much. You can sleep when your dead.

Please, just go..

xxx

No title needed

His voice..

Hungry for the reality of life.

Speaking tongue, arguging with anyone worth fighting for.

It's magic to me how you where sitting there.

Your eyes, lingering through my body.

Are you regreting not giving it a try.

Is it all hitting you now, the person that adored you

for soo long has now moved on?

It means a lot to me when someone ask how my day was.

It was only a scary move not to meantion anything beyond that day

I'm stuck with memories that repeating in my head.

Of no hope & laugher of what could of been.

Too bad it's too late!Oh how I adore karma.

It's time to suffer..a little

I'm losing the battle.

That I've already won.

Through speaking & thinking too much.

Hollow smells. Drinking over the limit of speaking.

If other's needed to escape.

Wristcutter's, it's definitely for you.

Love is everywhere.

Don't look too hard, or it won't happen

& Damnit, that's the fucking truth!

xxx

It's all in questioned

It's hard to watch those tears

roll down her in face. The fear of the unknow are catching

up with her. & I sit back in panic wondering to myself

the same thing. When's her happiness suppose to arrive?

That's all my brain is known for is break lights,

stoping, breaking, going, parking, unlocking, locking

dailing, searching, wondering, crying, helpless, speechless,

cold, hungry, empty, emotional, sorry, care free,

worthless, worried, paniced, disclosed, ugly.

I look at them & just see their sadness.

& What good people are missing out on.

I wonder, how "gorgeous" people are always single?

Or let me put it this way, why are natural talented

beautiful people always single?

I wish they knew. I wish they knew.

But then again, I was in their shoes once & I know the

empty umportant feeling.

Love, without it, we would die

xxx

Please sir, take her.

Everything is collecting dust.

This week is coming to a deathy start.

& For goodness sake, it's only Sunday.

Yesturday for the first time in almost two years,

I actually felt like a ghost at my own job.

Too many new faces appearing.

I felt uncomfortable & left out.

Where did everyone disappear to?

Well, I can't really state I felt like a ghost.

I forgot, I feel like that everytime I work.

Or wait, maybe if I actually stayed for my entire shift

I could serisouly have the complete feel of being

unwanted. It's always, this & that & do you know how.

I feel I have to be the strong one here.

& Yet, I still feel emotion.

I can't, I really can't be weak at the time they need me the most.

I just wish I could show what I'M feeling..

xxx

It's just a number.

I'm getting closer to the oppsite side.

Friends is easily became bestfriends

almost a sister figure.

I linger to call, but I'm sure you wouldn't be up for it.

I'm disappointed in the fact of how things been done.

People getting hurt for no reason at all.

Or for the fact their socialy awkward around other's.

Being themselves isn't an option.

Which to me, it's pure hate towards someone different.

Carrying ourselves a certain way

makes judgment easier for other's among us.

I think age shouldn't be a problem.

It's all about experincing something different

or just a different age group.

xxx

Drawing in by memories

It's too late to go back

People crowed in the streets

barking with pleed to be let go.

Center attention among those who are different.

Dangling memories of what use to be.

Dark, snuck in faces, bone structures, detailed.

It could happen one day.

Look closer.

I don't understand the beauty of the world.

Or even the simplest things.

If only I could just sit & understand what he means.

Look closer?...

xxx

Beware

I'm making myself sick.

Thinking I have something when in reality, I don't.

All this talk about this & that.

How do you think people are going to handle it?

In a panic short of way.

I just hate living in fear. What are we fearing from?

Death? Cos that's all I have to say.

Yes I admit, I'm scared to die.

The breeze calm to a pace

where the birds caught up with their own speed.

On the way to work,

I was in disbelief that this could actually be happening to me.

All I heared were tires squealing

The close distance of a women slapping on her breaks

& me, in shock, waiting for the moment

for our cars to become one.

But luckly, she had breaks & came to a complete stop.

Inches away from my bummer.

The entire way to work, I smoked a cigarette

shaking uncontrolably.

Her eyes might mind

As my eyes spoke to her, "Are you alright"

The green light appeared in my vision

allowing my soul to be free to take off.

In the distance, I saw her throw on her blinker

& pulled over. She as I, was panic.

"What happen" -

xxx

Make the fire. Burn through

A lot has came & gone through my mind.

Leaving nothing but open mouths & blank stares.

I daydream more than I'm suppose to.

Someone could be pouring their soul out to me,

& the reaction they would get, "What! Say that again"

I can't.

xxx

Forgetting, none the less

Drawing in order to forget

Finding love is so impossible these days.

People have such high standards on the perfect "boyfriend"

I really want to meet someone who has the ideal boyfriend.

Girls, were in such denial of what is handed to us.

We over look the possible & try to go for the impossible.

Let's be real here. All the prince charming Romeo & Juliet shit,

news flash, it's not real.

Everything around us,

it has to deal with love. Could we focus on better things

like, not pushing away people. Making awkward moments

between two good friends. I'm hurting, I want her back.

But I don't know how to come out & say,

"You're not the same person I met century's ago"

I'm feeling out of control. Panic & dismembered.

Far, far, far away

The sun is mid way in the sky.

I want the sun to burn my skin, mark me with love.

There are days I wake & think,

I can choose how I want this day to turn out.

Do you?

xxx

I've mistaken myself as a mistake.

The sounds, bare.
Even as the trees move, silence.


I'm repeating words.
I'm using vocabulary from the first grade.
The images I put on paper are dull.
& I'm glad someone had the balls to tell me the truth.
I've come to my low.
It's weird, to fit in, you have to disapprove of someone else
in order to be "welcomed" into the "it" crowd.
What the hell was I thinking? Who have I become, as a person?
I' am ashamed of myself & the things I've said.
It's fun being broke. Collecting money from my parents to
feed my addiction. I rather smoke than eat.
Even though I'm coughing up half my lung.
I'm happy in the sense of emotion & other people's laughs.
I pretend all the time. But who really notices those things?
It's not fair that every month I go through this alone.
& I protect myself.
& I don't want others to know I'm still struggling.


Happiness is always key.
You choose. You choose your feelings.
I'm trying to hold back...
It's that strong chocking feeling that sticks in the
back of your thoart?
xxx

Silence...

Secret's appeal alive

Caught between time & love.

The only reason to keep going was the feel of his touch.

Exchanging numbers, undressing infront of stranger's.

None of this makes sense.

But what does? Life, it's just a big questioned mark.

I forgot how much I miss reading.

My brain is crying for some short of learning?

"Oh please, those excuses aren't working"

He was just waiting.

xxx

Error on page

Let's speak of the last night we fall inlove.
The grass was green.
The lights, so dim, but bright enough to see your face.
It was then I knew I was inlove.


The awkwardness of my voice.
The motions of believing it wasn't real.
It heals over the wounds I opened.
Let's take the time to remember who was first.


I try so hard not to get into the feeling
of being alone. & Yet, I fail everytime.
Boneless bodies, laying beneath the earth.
Rottening away their sins. Disappearing over time.
Their fans, neal & wonder, why them?


The flashing lights, the horror it could be him.
Driving pass, hoping that everyone was alright.
It took off with no sirens echoing through the air.
But I could see two worried faces in the window.
Their lives changed. It only took a minute.
& For what? To realize life is too short?


Kill the pain
Only with one drink & one thought,
xxx

I'm leaving on a jet plane

John Denver, the man of calm mid 70's war music.
It haunts my brain in a good way. The softness in his voice
some how calms my nervous & brings me a little happiness.
I'm face to face with this blank wall.
Noticing every little mark & detail. That's how I feel.
People can stare & see my flaws, my weakness, my fears.


None of this makes sense.
I can hear laughther, but I'm not included.
I hear jokes & tears of joy, but I'm not included.
When or how will I be part of that fun, that energy of life.
I'm acting as if I don't have friends. I digging more towards my work life.


I held my tears back so tight, I forced a smile upon my face.
Hoping & praying someone I knew close to me would see
the pain & uncertain I was feeling. But they were not there.
So, I had to be strong alone. & It felt nice..
I can't hide it.
Their coming & I have to let go..






Choking up.
It's closing up. The race of emotions take over me.
xxx

Carry me away with the sound of your voice

My fingers, slowly running through my hair.

My brain, full, not empty of thoughts spreading through the air.

Causing late night typing sessions.

The room was empty, even though it was full.

Words being spoken through the mouths of uncertains.

I look around, I hear a voice. It's speaking to me.

Burning images flash back in my vision.

I should tell them what happen, shouldn't I?

Oh wait I forgot, my entire world, life, it's a secret.

& I like it that way. & I Don't even know if I know my own self.

That's a shame. But a small price to pay..

I just don't want them walking all over me, covering me with no trust!

As I sat there & listen to them play.

As his voice took over my body & made my soul dance,

I wanted to be where their happiness was. In their music!

xxx

Nothing but fur,

I adore the feeling of this photo.

The lighting, the hint of white but just a bit gloomy.

I would say more, but I think it's enough

xxx

Speaking loudly, clearing out static

What risk are we willing to take.

Dropping what's ahead & taking action!

The same road I'm traveling upon,

but a different adventure. Seprate people, but the same road.

The music, it's humming into my ear. Disapproving my

comfort level.

I can't sallow, I'm beyond nervous!

Wishing I had my camera, capturing the smiles,

new faces & akwardsness while at a little girls birthday party.

I feel like a fish out of water. But yet, I kept a smile on my face

& went to place where nothing bothered me. Good news,

I won one hand of some weird card game. Then second hand,

I lost. It was fun. Silence awakens us, breathe..

Silence awakens us, don't breathe. Take charge.

Understand the ways, peal into shyness. Now snap!

As I always say,

Let's make it happen!

xxx

Tied at the hip

My camera & I have been enjoying snapping memorable photo's.

I'm proud of myself for taking sneaky risk.

It bothers me that I can't take extreme risk with my camera.

I think pretty soon I want to replace her--But still have

her in my presents. I sound crazy giving a non-living object

human life?!?

I hate driving past nothing but land with perfect lighting

My brain won't stop giving me images in my head of what,

I should be doing. Instead of sitting in a car starring, not doing it!

I want a close friend that enjoy photography

Neat things.

Neat thoughts. Hey, let's start this!

Let's make it happen!

xxx

Inspired?!

What catches your eye to an image.

To make your brain think of, "Wow! This is fucking gorgeous?"

I'm so inspired by other upcoming photographer's.

I'm not sure if I can even compare the talent & beauty

for someone to even actually think I inspired them

I feel the thick paper rubbing against my dry hands.

The thought of loosing the battle towards her.

Dimming the lights, turning her lovely bone stucture face

towards the beauty, & snapping the photos. Imaging her

face across the screen. I want that passion, the love, the drive

of that person calling the shots.

I'm inspired everyday.

& I have to Thank the people in my life for that!

Let's make it happen

xxx

Old becomes new

I feel the passion, the strength, the beauty of this picture.
& I don't give a shit if someone else can't get what I get from this picture.
Yeah, it's not photoshop & perfect. The feel of
vintage. The feel of someone else clothes with history
behind each piece becomes someone's treasure.

I want to make this work.
But I need solid people backing me up!
xxx

It's VintageOwl baby!

The change is slowly coming.
& I feel such a connection between people.

VintageOwl Photography is now my trademark!
As of time, I need to spend more with him.
I'm always sleeping. Guilty thoughts are haunting my brain.
Expression & actions are my strongest feed back.
I'm actually tired & I'm not bummed that it's super duper early.


Let's make this happen!
xxx

Owl or Vampire?

The lights, the sound, the quiet of what soon becomes.
Even though night time is where the real action happens.
I would actually like to lay my head on my flat really uncomfortable pillow
& close my eyes & sleep! But I guess my mind has other important things for
me to think about while the sun creeps through my thin blinds..
I should be embracing this. Maybe instead of laying in bed looking at darkness,
I should venture out and do night/morning photography. I like natural light.
& Walking would sure put me out.

I'm afraid.
Something is going to happen. It shall be delightful.
xxx

IMAGE

Stranger's are open to opinions.
Most of those opinions come off as compliments.
Compliments that I Ashlee can only make it as a model.
Is my image that strong that I only come off as a beautiful girl that should
just stand in front of a million dollar dream camera? I rather be that mystery
person, pushing, standing, grabbing, and directing another beautiful face.
I want the smarts. And as interesting looking that I' am, and I quote..
This silly image isn't getting what I want
(But I can't complain. I'm in over my head)
xxx

Coco Chanel

Her hands grew bruised

Hand made items, dreams of becoming of what becomes.

Hands bags, clothes, perfume.

How could my passion for Fashion Photography have

anything to do with this certain Fashion Designer.

Oh yeah, the word "Fashion"..Or maybe not!

It's growing. But the believing is yet to come.

xxx